Perspectives on Stupid

A tragedy like the car accident in New Zealand adds a lot of perspective to our lives. The "stupid" things I worry about every day. Will we be able to go on a vacation? Do we have enough cereal? How will I get all my work done AND the laundry? These little stressors maintain center stage in the mind until a tragedy like the one in New Zealand. And then there is the realization that priorities are out of whack. All of a sudden the cleaning and laundry can wait if there is an opportunity to take the kids to the park or go for a run.

My heart goes out to the parents and family's affected. Moving our family from Maine to Maryland, all the details, stress of a new area, a new job and trying to sell our house in Maine only seem big. I am reminded at the fragility of life and how important it is to manage the anxiety and stress and focus on what is really important.

On being stupid.

Your comments on the last entry were very poignant. There are reasons for visceral reactions to “stupid”. Hearing (and, maybe, believing) these words affect our experience and perceptions of the world in which we live. I've decided to continue the blog and explore the concept of “stupid” in daily, family and professional life.

My stupidity is rooted in math.

In school I studied advanced math, algebra, geometry, and probability all-of-the-time. I’m fortunate to have a father who has forgotten more math than I’ll ever know. He tutored me nights and weekends (and occasionally helps even today). When I wanted to give up and conclude I was stupid in math, he insisted I was not. When, after much effort, I dropped advanced math with a failing grade, the teacher told my parents, " I tried my best."

Isn’t trying your best and still failing to master the concept the very definition of stupid? I thought so.

Feeling stupid often precedes being stupid. And despite my father’s encouragement, I felt stupid in math. And apparently I’m not alone. Many share similar experiences in math (Tobias, 1991). Experts suggest that the way math is taught may be to blame (Marshall, 2006). Ah, maybe my father was right after all!

While it’s nice to know my failure may be blamed on poorly delivered education. It’s not so nice to know that parents can pass feeling “math stupid” on to their kids.

Teaching kids that numbers are an abstraction versus forcing them to count to ten when they have no concept of what “five” or five-ness is a good start in math. Marshall (2006) shares some great ways to help early elementary students understand that numbers are an abstraction of sets, a symbolic language describing the relationship of elements that share the sigular characteristic of three-ness or five-ness.

And for parents who feel stupid in math, don’t. Stick with it—for your kids. Take calculus this summer—(stop laughing, I’m serious.) There are more learning resources at our disposal than ever before. And you may be surprised at how much your brain has changed in a decade or more. When studying standard deviation and beta after watching a gazillion YouTube videos on the subject. I got it!! (I think.) And now I feel a little less stupid in math.


Marshall, J. (Jan. 2006) Math Wars 2: It's the Teaching, Stupid!, The Phi Delta Kappan. Vol. 87: 5. pp. 356-363.

Tobias, S. (Summer, 1991) Math Mental Health: Going Beyond Math Anxiety, College Teaching, Vol. 39: 3. pp. 15-26.

Why MommySaidStupid

I do say, "stupid"--usually as part of my inner-monologue and not out-loud. If you know me though, if I think it, my brow furrows. Here are some reasons why MommySaidStupid.

Reason 1: Over-extension. From morning to midnight, my time is scheduled. And if I wasn’t over-extended enough, I said yes when the Church approached me to join the stewardship committee. Upon taking a vacation day to photocopy and stuff the annual appeal letters, I thought, "stupid"--a lot.

Reason 2: Lack of Patience. There is always one thing that finds the last nerve. For example, where simple ignorance about new technology or social media isn't cause for saying, "stupid". Perpetuating misinformation and misguided opinions due to a general angst about how the world is being transformed by the Internet and Web 2.0, is cause. I even saw it on a bumper-sticker, "Stupid People Suck." It was next to one that read, "Mean People Suck". Apparently, I'm only one of many with issues.

Reason 3: A Passion for Communication. Occasionally the pithy one-liners or the perfect word just can't be found in time. I strive for words that inform, entertain, challenge and inspire. And with a penchant for perfection and a passion that borders on the emotional, sometimes I fail and the result is, "stupid ".

So, if you were expecting perfect. I’m not. Striving to produce quality work professionally, personally and academically precludes the concept of “stupid”. Now that we have moved from Maine to Maryland and I am testing my new bank management skills in a bigger market with more responsibility, I have renewed energy to remove the word “stupid” from my vocabulary.